How a City Came to be my First Love

In Korean, “first love” is “첫사랑 (cheot sarang)”. Although first love makes sense in English, we don’t put much as much importance on having a “first love”. So before coming to Korea, I had never thought about my first love. At 22 years old, having never been in a relationship, I hadn’t yet had a first love. Of course, I had an enormous amount of love for my family and friends, but I had yet to feel that heart-fluttering feeling of romance.

And then by random chance, I met Gwangju. Bright and lovely and beautiful. It was early on in my time here that I knew that Gwangju was my first love.

I know this sounds cheesy and dramatic but isn’t that what a first love is?

A first love means being amazed to discover something new about that person or thing. I love discovering new things about Gwangju. I could never run out of a new corner to discover or an interesting person to meet here.

A first love is missing them when you’re away. I realized on the bus back from a day trip the other day that I was giddy to get back to Gwangju. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t been to a bad place in Korea (my quarantine room is low on the list, though). But no other city in Korea has made me feel as calm and at home as Gwangju.

A first love is being a cheerleader for them. Anytime someone says something like “I don’t know anything about Gwangju, Seoul is probably better.”, I am the first to point out all the amazing things Gwangju has to offer. I will be honest, I do not like baseball. I always found it boring, and the food was always overpriced. And yet, I have found myself at multiple Kia Tigers (Gwangju’s baseball team) baseball games joining in the highly coordinated fan chants. I feel a sense of pride when I wear my jersey. In quite a literal sense, I have become a fan of Gwangju.

I had to come to a decision recently; stay one more year or go back to America. There was so much on my mind leading up to the decision. I was feeling homesick and anxious to start my career back in America. Every time I felt confident one way, an anxious thought about the other way pulled me back to being caught in the middle of staying or going.

I talked to myself, to my friends here, my friends in America, and I still couldn’t decide. Finally, I was going to speak to my whole family and tell them I was leaning towards staying one more year. I happened to talk to my mom first and after some tears were shed on my end, she told me she was not sad but actually glad. She said she had seen so much growth in me this past year and there was still more growth to be had. Next, I talked to my dad, and he told me he wished he could’ve done what I am doing at his age. Lastly, I went over my woes with my sister, and, as always, she had wise words and advice to give.

With my family and friends’ support, I signed my renewal paperwork for one more year. One year ago, I wrote my first blog post and said “Above all the fear and anxiety this process has given me, I want to do it. And for me, that’s enough.” I stand by that still. However, I also wrote, “Do I believe Korea is going to be some magical fairy tale land where all my problems disappear and I truly “find myself”? No.” Now, I still don’t think Korea is a magical fairytale land, but I can say I have found myself. Or rather a part of myself I didn’t know existed. A brave and adventurous part of me I have come to love.

But anxiety aside, I feel a part of me always knew I wanted to stay one last year. First loves don’t always work out, that’s life. But I wasn’t ready to call it quits with mine after just one year.

So, here’s to staying one more year. I am going to pour my love out to Gwangju for one more year and then I will amicably part ways with my whirlwind of a first love. And I am so excited to share it with you all.

See you there.